2010 dreams and goals

HAPPY NEW YEAR

Wishing all a blessed 2010 journey filled with abundant happiness, beauty and bliss.

My intention for this new year is to return to my creative soul self. I look forward to the journey. The discoveries, the new opportunities and the unknown.

Thanks to all who travel with me either by guiding, walking alongside or following silently behind and holding me up. Your strength and courage is always felt and welcomed.

May all be well.

Christa

A 2010 Wish

Wishcasting Wednesday
Today is the last wish in 2009. The wish is for 2010. Jamies asks, "What do you wish for in 2010?".

Well. hmmm. ummm. Wow.

I am finding it hard to put my wishes out there. There is so much of 2009 that I want to forget. That I want to let go of. That I want to fix in 2010. But, that doesn't sound FUN. I want my wish for 2010 to be full of JOY and HAPPINESS.

There it is. My wish for 2010 is to follow my dreams. To do the things that bring me joy. To find happiness in the daily. And to LOVE. To draw closer to God and give thanks for all the BEAUTY He gives us in this world. Every day.

I am hopeful that this wish will bring me back to my creative self. To have no fear in expressing and creating the things that I find beautiful.

I'm moving forward. 2010, here I come!

I hope all your wishes come true.

Blessing,

Christa

A creative spark

I did it. I signed up. I miss my creative spirit. I am hoping this keeps me on task. Keeps my hands busy, my mind open and my heart happy.

I have always had sort of a mental block when it came to being creative and finding my creative soul. I wanted it. Bad. But never thought myself capable or good enough.

As it turns out, I am discovering that I, little old me, is quite capable of being creative. I just needed to redefine and rediscover what that meant to me. Just me. Not anybody else.

I am going to fan the spark. I am going to participate.

Oh. And getting a new sewing machine always helps. Yes! Happy day.

Please join me. It will be a wonderful journey.

Blessings,

Christa

Winter Wish

Wishcasting Wednesday

What is your winter wish?

I am one of those odd people who actually likes winter. I have lived the majority of my life in Minnesota. Winter is part of who I am. I don't see any point in hating winter as many people do. I would rather choose to see the beauty in winter. To appreciate her gifts.

So, what is my winter wish? I wish to let my spirit rest in the hibernation of winter. To slow down. To collect my energy. To enjoy the inner things. To give them strength and voice.

What is your winter wish?

Blessings

How dare you!

Wishcasting Wednesday

Today our wish is "what do you wish to dare?"

Oh me, oh my. Sounds dangerous.

I dare to continue to be myself. To speak my truth and seek truth. To not compromise myself in order to feel loved. I dare to love myself just as I am. I dare to follow my path. I dare to take the risks I need to take. I dare to be strong. I dare to make the hard choices.

I dare myself to think outside the box. I dare myself to create a life full of joy and happiness. I dare to be anything less.

I dare others to do the same.

I dare you.

Play? Play! Play?

See that?  That is a wall.  Isn't it a lovely wall?  That girl.  That is me walking on that wall. Well, not really.  It's a stock photo.  But, this is what happened to me when I read the chapter on play. I hit a wall and in my mind, that is what my wall looks like.  Lovely.  It's a familiar place I hang out at from time to time. I like to walk on my wall.  Practicing my balance.  I find it fun.  It was something I loved to do as a child, come to think of it.  Trying to stay balanced as I walked on a narrow object.  Walls, trees fallen over streams, edges of the sidewalk.  I wasn't very good at it, but I liked to try.

So, back to the chapter on Play.   As I said I hit a wall.  I always hit a wall when I am presented with the thought of work vs career.  When I am told..."do something that you love and then you will have everlasting happiness.".....or something like that.  Those people who are always telling me that always seem to be doing what they love and making a very good living at it to boot. Don't get me wrong, I know there are people who can make that happen for themselves.  I know they worked hard to get to where they are at.  That is just not me, yet.

I have a job, or work.  I am thankful everyday that I have my job because I need to work.  But it is not play for me.  It is stressful and absolutely no fun.  But I do it.  It is what I need to do right now.  Support my family.  

I once tried to make something I loved into my job.  It didn't work out and that something I loved, I love no more.  So, I am a little leary of making my play into a career.  It changes it, for me.  But I think about it often.  

I understand what Martha was saying in this chapter.  That isn't the problem.  The problem is my sense of responsibility and reality of where I am in my life at the moment.  I accept that. 

And one day I hope that my choice of work is more play.  I think it will be. Someday.  Not right now. 

But in the meantime.  I am exploring my play.  I am doing more things in my non-working time that I love.  It keeps me balanced.

I am going to read what everyone else has to say on the subject to get more perspective.  Maybe something will get me over that wall so I can see what and perhaps who is on the other side. Maybe it will be someone  or some thought who wants to come out and play. 

Book thoughts

The Thirteenth Tale: A Novel by Diane Setterfield


My rating: 5 of 5 stars
A story about stories. Everybody has a story waiting to be told. Do we tell our stories or do we walk away from them and not give them words. Eventually, all stories want to be told. We can have a choice in that.
Beautifully written . Anyone who loves books, everything about books, will be immediately drawn to this tale.

View all my reviews >>

Experiencing acceptance, life and joy.

Wishcasting Wednesday

Today Jamie asks, "What do you wish to experience?"

hmmm....that is a very good question with many answers. The first thing that came to my mind is healing. So I asked myself, "how can I experience healing?". The answer was a whisper. Acceptance. Not the kind of give-up acceptance, but the acceptance of faith. The acceptance of letting go and being at peace. Letting go of the things I cannot and never will change. Accepting with open arms who I am and loving that girl. Allowing life to unfold. To learn. To live.

To live! To experience life. All of life. What fun! What joy!

To experience joy. Working with Jamie on "The Joy Diet" has made me acutely aware of all the joy there is in life. The little things we take for granted and/or ignore. The things that make us smile and our hearts sing. Those are the things that have jumped to the top of my "to-do" lists. They are my priorities. They are my faith, my family, my friends. It is my creative energy. The energy that fuels my day. It is who I am.

What do you wish to experience?

I am wishing that for you.

Treats in the everyday.

Joy!

That is what receiving treats brings me.

Treats are those little pieces of kindness we give ourselves. They are the things that make me smile. The things that lift me up when I am feeling down or burdened. The little things. They surround me daily, when I step back and take notice. They aren't always material things. They can be kind words from a friend. Encouragement when I need it most. They can be a smile, a hug. The song of a bird. The look of "pet me!" from my dog. The sun rising, the moon shining. A moment of silence. The whisper of God. A great cup of coffee. A good glass of wine. Dinner with my kids. Holding hands with my husband. Reading a book. Creating with my hands. Doing nothing.

Come to think of it, everyday is full of treats. No matter how big or how small. Gratitude for the lessons, hard or easy, that show up at my door.

I just have to remind myself to take notice and receive the treats that abundantly come. To be open. To be thankful. And then to give as much as I receive.

What treats have you received today?

Wishcasting

Wishcasting Wednesday

Today Jamie asks, what treat do you wish for?

Silence. Peace and quiet.

My work days are filled with noise. In the evenings, I love to sink into silence. To hear my thoughts. To hear my breath. To shut off the electronic messages and just hear the natural sounds of the day.

Today, take a few minutes to just be silent.

Wishing you all peace and quiet.

RISK

I've sort of been at a loss on what to write about risk because the truth is, lately everything feels like a risk.

Things have become complicated and shaken up since I took the risk and spoke my truth.  I have been battling against doubt and guilt.  I have pondered the need for this risk.  I have felt sadness and loneliness.  I have also had doors and windows fly open.  I have felt closer to my values and have shifted my priorities.  I have had joy and new things come to me.  I have also been grounded. I guess my sadness comes for what I let go of.  Not that it was good for me to hang on, but I had become comfortable in that roll.  But, that roll didn't fit me anymore.  It was no longer who I am. I had to speak about who I am and face the risk of rejection.  Rejection.  

Rejection is something I have grown up with.  It is a familiar friend.  It was time to have a heart-to-heart with this friend and ask myself, who is rejecting me?  I needed to change my perspective. While I was trying to be accepted and loved by those society tells us has to love us, had I been rejecting my true self?  That answer was yes.  I needed to face that fear of rejection from others and be honest and open.  I knew the risk and I took it.  I could no longer reject myself. 

I am waiting for the mud to settle.  To let the changes take place.  Slowly with compassion and acceptance.  Staying true daily. Keeping my heart open for the next risk so I can walk with it with strength and courage and an understanding of purpose. 

That is my personal risk.  

Just say YES

Wishcasting Wednesday

I have been looking forward to this day since last Wednesday and my first time participating in this powerful and grace filled group.

Today Jamie asks us to wish for something we want to say YES to.

What joy! This was easy peasy. I wish to say YES to who I am! YES!

Yes to every part of my unique self. To honor my strengths and my weaknesses. To love myself with the compassion and kindness as God loves us. Yes to my growth. Yes to my mistakes. Yes to the path I am on. Yes to discovery. Yes to happiness. Yes to sadness.

With this love and acceptance I can give love and acceptance.

Life is a splendid gift. May I always be grateful. May I always trust.

Saying yes opens my heart.

What do you wish to say YES to?

Be creative.

I love to be creative. I find joy in being creative.

I have always been an "idea" person. Ideas are always flying around in my mind. There is always a solution.

The biggest eye opening aha for me in this chapter was expanding my idea of what creative is. I tend to live in a box. I have rigid definitions of things. I use to think that being creative only had to do with art or music. I loved being shown how to expand and to look at even the things I do daily as being creative.

An example is cooking. I love to cook. I read cookbooks in bed. I have food blogs I read daily. But I never considered this as being creative. I don't know why. I now see the creative in this activity I just do out of love and adventure. What joy.

Now, the problem I have with being creative is follow through. I am a great "starter" and a not-so-great "finisher." I know this about myself.

I tend to let my feelings of fear and not being good enough stop me from moving to that next step of creativity, following the dream.

I guess that is where our next chapter falls into place. Risk.

I can hardly wait.

The banishing of doubt.

Hello all who are reading this.

I just wanted to take a moment to comment on my experience with Wishcasting Wednesday.

I am humbled by the power of this group.

I need to say Thank You. Thank You.

I now believe. I have no doubt. Wishing and praying for others is powerful. I know this now.

Thank You.

“If the only prayer you said in your whole life was, ‘thank you,’ that would suffice.” – Meister Eckhart

I wish, I wish, and then I pray.

Wishcasting Wednesday.

This is the first time I am participating. What a blessing.

Jamie asks, What do you wish to let go?. Today I wish to let go of my feelings of self-doubt.
I want to gather my strength, let go of fear and doubt and be open to where God is leading me. To be open and willing to follow my desires without that inner voice of doubt. To get my-self out of the way.

Peace and Love

Desire + knitting

Day one...success. It's the little things.

I am finding joy in the gift of following my desires. Can't wait to see what is next!!

My truth about desire.

The truth is, I never realized what desire meant. The word was scary to me. I avoided it. In my mind, it meant those parts of me that were selfish, secret, greedy and bad. If I desired something then it must be something I didn't deserve.

Boy, was I wrong. Wrong. I had no "desire" to read this chapter. I had no idea what it would say and I thought it unimportant. Again, wrong. It illuminated such a deep connection to my truth, it was like discovering an old friend I didn't know I had. Someone I ignored. Someone I overlooked.

But, why? Now for the truthful part. Time to dig in. Why? My answer, off the top of my head would be, because I was never encouraged to follow my desires. I had no guidance. I had/have no idea what that means. Guilt was attached to desire. Guilt was stronger and guilt always won. Desire was never talked about. It wasn't examined. It was given no respect. Desire did not have a voice.

What voice does my desire have, at this moment in my life. My desire is what it causing such striff in my life in regards to truth. They are connected. My desire to to be loved. Not the kind of love that says "I have to love you because you are my daughter, sister, mother." No, the kind of love that says "I love you because you are uniquely you." I desire to have relationships that are honest and open. I desire to have relationships that are supportive and nurturing. To know that you belong to a family.

I think this is just the tip of an even deeper desire. But I want to give this part time. Time to figure itself out. Embracing and exploring. I think it will involve alot of letting go. Alot of realizing that those I desire to be the closest to, don't want the same with me. That's the hard part. But I feel there. I feel that I can follow this desire, it will just be with different relationships. That I can fill this desire. That I can first find that love towards myself. That if I give this type of love, I will get it back in return. Intention.

That's the deep stuff. Now that I've identified, it is time to step back for a little bit and observe. To practice the nothing that will lead me down the right path.

So, for today....I have a desire to knit. Create! Next chapter. To make scarves and hats and socks and many things. To create with my hands. Today, I am going to a beginning class. This will be the fifth time I have tried to learn. I feel kind of unteachable. I hope they can work a miracle. But, maybe I won't need that. Maybe my desire will speak up and squash all that fear. Maybe? I need to stop saying maybe and say WILL. There. That's better.

Love and peace.

Doubting Truth

Lisa @sacred circle reminded me to trust and observe with her truth entry.

Today those words are getting me through. Lots of Doubt. Released by Trust.

Observing where my doubts are coming from. Or more honesty, who's voice is telling me the things I am doubting in myself.

Re-writing my story. With love and compassion.

Late post...that's the truth.

It's been a hard week. I understand that when we break out of our box, there are things that will come up that will make us want to run back in screaming. This isn't the first time I have done this. It won't be the last.

Who wants to hear the truth? Nobody. As it seems. The truth can be like a pie in the face, but not as funny. You close your eyes when it hits. You have to then carefully clean the pie out of your eyes to get your vision back. It may be blurry for a while. After the shock...you then ask, "what hit me?". Some people can then laugh at themselves and the situation. Some cannot. Cannot.

Whether this truth is about ourselves, told by others or perceived through our own experience, or about those we love, it's a fine line to walk, if you choose to. The path is narrow.

We make mistakes. We are human. We can only do the best that we can do, if we are honest.
I am a firm believer in the truth. I would rather understand the facts, then deny that they exist. My path is narrow. But it is a path I choose to walk. I am happier in that place. It is how I roll.
I also believe that "there are times when silence is a lie."

It is not for everyone. Some people prefer to live behind that glass. It is safer. It is, in their perspective, more peaceful. They refuse glass cleaner.

Forgive me if this sounds like gibberish. I'm trying to clean my glass.

This chapter so resinated with my soul. It made me cry. It was affirming that while this is hard, it is worth it and most importantly, it is who I am. It is who I am. I need to accept that even though others will not. That is the painful part. "Once you've awakened to this light, you will gradually, almost involuntarily, begin to act more like yourself---not out of a desire to attack anyone else's truth, but simply because you cannot un-see what you have seen. ...the truth will set you free."

I hope so. I believe so. Faith. Compassion. Love.

And when the soul reaches the stage
at which it pays little attention to praise,
it pays much less to disapproval;
on the contrary it rejoices in this
and finds it a very sweet truth
Saint Teresa of Avila

Finding inner peace.

Wednesday...mid-truth

This is a week of discovering or re-discovering truth. I am in love with this chapter. I will post more at the end of the week, but it has been a gift of acknowledgment for me. I am a true believer of the saying "the truth will set you free". It is also one of the hardest things to do. Very hard. And not always received with smiles and hugs.

Menu Item #1 NOTHING

Do. Nothing.

Do. Nothing.

My dog spends most of her day doing nothing.  Some days I wish I was my dog. Some days. And some days I am sure she wishes she was me...not doing nothing.

Somewhere between doing nothing and not doing nothing is a wonderful balance. This is the place I like to be.  

I've spent many, many hours trying to do nothing over many, many years.  So as I explored this opening Menu Item on this Joy Diet I tried to take my past experiences and my present day experiences and figure out what this means to me in my life.  

I found that the beauty in doing Nothing is the slowing down the pace. Being present to the now. Finding a clear mind to sift through all the clutter so I can have the ability to recognize my truth and my path. Examination. Contemplation. Listening. Learning. What are my goals and which ones truly matter.  What can I let go of once and for all.  What have I outgrown.  Cleaning out the houses in my mind, body and spirit.  

Wow...nothing leads to plenty.  Nothing leads to happiness.  Nothing leads to Joy.

Can it be that Nothing is essential?  I think so.

Peace.

Day one.

Well. I did it. This is my blog.

Wow.

Baby steps